Thoughts About Being a Mother

The role of a mother is such a unique thing. Life begins within our womb, so very close. In fact literally a part of us. Our breathe mingles with this little child before we even know his or her name. We feel their movements, fluttery at first, and then much more insistent, letting us know that it's getting near the time to appear. Those first wonderful and overwhelming days of learning to care for this new little one. No regret at all that they are no longer a part of us, literally, but now on the outside; fussing, cooing, burping and crying. We learn to accomodate their schedule, our lives are forever changed by their presence. No longer is anything just about me... now I am a mother.
A mother's life is wrapped up completely in caring for her child. We are there when they fall, there when they make a mess, there for their first words. We encourage them to learn to walk, coax them to say our name. (Mommy, of course...did we ever have another name?) We are excited for their accomplishments, no matter how small.
Then we watch as they become more adept at things they were not able to do at first. Now they speak and walk. Run and ride a bike. Most of the time they use these new abilities to stretch the distance they can go from us. How far can we go on our bikes, Mom? Watch me run across the field, Mom. They use their words to convince us of their independence and desire to test new boundaries and experience new things.
This is the stage I am in. My children are wanting to see how far they can go. How much they can make their own decisions and stretch their boundaries. Not yet driving, or going too far but letting me know clearly that they are considering these things.
My son asked the other day how old he had to be to dye his hair. Before that he suggested 14 was a good age to have a girlfriend. Yikes!
The irony of motherhood is the fact that we naturally desire to hold them close. To protect. To keep. Yet our role is to bring them to the point that we can let them go, open our arms and encourage them to walk on their own.
Little did I know that when I was encouraging my son's first steps and watching him walk away from me that it was a picture of what I would be doing for the rest of his time in my home.
It feels bittersweet at times. It's so easy to consider our motherhood our only identity and that's why it's so hard to imagine them leaving one day.
A lovely thing happens though, as they mature, and that is our relationship with them changes. We get to step back and see all the areas that make them unique and, amazingly, different than us. We get to find out who God created this person to be. Despite all of our shortcomings and gaps in our instruction, here they are, confident and whole. I sure hope that when my children are ready to actually leave this home that I will be able to confidently let them go and walk in the paths that God has made for them.